JACK SCHWARTZ- Sung & Composed By Moshe Yess- Moshe Yess Album (1984)
He stood five-foot-ten in his double-knit slacks,
Checking all the merchandise on his racks,
With an alligator sewn to his golfing shirt,
Everybody knows you don’t give no dirt to Jack Schwartz.
Every morning at dawn you can see him arise,
In suburbia from a bed king size,
Everybody knows that you don’t tee off Jack Schwartz.
When Yom Kippur arrived, he just wasn’t seen,
He was out puttin’ round on the 13th green,
He knew how to swing, he knew how to slice,
He was golfing away his good Jewish life… Jack Schwartz.
Well, we’re all gonna miss his beloved soul,
But lightning struck on the 14th hole.
His life was just a big sand trap,
Because he never overcame his handicap… Jack Schwartz.
And the gates of heaven, they’re closed to sin,
And ol’ Jack Schwartz was not let in.
He banged on them gates with all his force,
But a voice said, “sorry… par for the course, Jack Schwartz!”
There’s a tombstone now by the 18th hole,
Where they buried his dearly departed soul,
And I guess it had to happen sooner or later,
He was buried in a Tallis with an alligator… Jack Schwartz.